What I've lost
by ShawnaHP
Summary: SS/HP Oc! Harry does something to threaten there relationship and loses Severus. What did Harry do? Why did he do it? please R&R! dont like dont read! Have given up on this, might come back at another time to finish the story!
1. Good Bye

"Severus please" I begged. I pleaded but he would not turn. "I… I'm sorry." Tears were falling down my face. I made a mistake and I knew it. I was stupid and he knew it. But I lost the little trust he had with me. That little trust that took me almost a year to get.

I look up and still see the back of his head. He is quiet and I know the tears are falling down his face. I want to wipe them away and kiss his lips. But if I move he might leave so I stand and wait.

The tension is too much, my heart is broken now. We have been standing in the same position for almost an hour now and he hasn't moved or talked. Suddenly he turns and looks at me. There is no move love for me in his eyes. There back to the same emotionless black orbs as before. More tears fall down my face and he just stares.

"Good bye." Was all he said, it was the one word I didn't want to hear. I took I step forward and lifted my hand only a little. He backs away.

"Severus." I say again.

"No. Don't." He replies. He turned once more but this time he leaves the room where we met only two hours earlier.

I fall to the ground and hold my knees to my chest. I've lost him. Now I'm all alone. I don't like being alone. He was the one thing I had that was always there for me. Who listened to me, who cared for me. I close my eyes and remember the first day we kissed. That was the best day of my life. I fell in love with him last year and I showed him that when I kissed him. But now he's gone, and I'm alone. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

** Hey! let me know what you think! should i continue? ... R&R to let me know!**


	2. Classroom Fight

The day passed by and I'm in a shell. My friends know something is wrong, but I just ignore them. I'm sitting in potion class and he won't even glance at me. I try my hardest to cry. I won't cry, not in front of him. I finish the rest of my potion and take a sample and put it in a vial. Hermione looks at me and smiles. I know I did the potion right now. I take a deep breath and stand up to hand my potion in. He is marking papers and I stand at his desk.

"Professor." I say. He still doesn't look up. "Professor." I repeat.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for interrupting me while I am busy!" he yells. A single tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it off and walk back to my desk to clean my cauldron.

The bell rang and every one left the class but me. Hermione and Ron ask me why I'm staying behind. I say I have a question for Snape and they leave.

We were alone in the class. But still he was grading papers.

"Please look at me Severus." I was standing at my desk fiddling with my fingers.

"No." He replied.

"Let me explain. Please." I left my desk and walked towards his. He finally looked up at me and all I could see was the hurt on his face, in his eyes.

"Please, just leave." He said almost in a whisper.

"Severus... I love you." I regretted saying those words the second they came out of my mouth.

"OUT! NOW!" He yelled. Hi stood up and looked like a lion on the hunt, about to kill its prey.

"NO!" I yelled back. He rounded his desk and grabbed my throat so fast I had no time to take out my wand. He pushed my backwards into one of the desks and I scream out in pain and shock.

"After what you did Potter..." He took a deep breath. He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say. "You don't love me. Not after what you did. You wouldn't have done it if you loved me." He looked like he was going to cry. He let go of my throat. "Go." He turned around and walked back to his desk.

I stared at the back of him. Just like the night before. "I do love you Severus. I screwed up." I took my bag and left the classroom with tears falling down my face yet again.

** Hey! Second chapter! hope you like it ! Read and Review! Please! **


	3. Depression

My classes mean nothing to me. I've been sitting on my bed, crying all day. Dumbledore is wondering where I am. He sent me an owl, I threw it out. My knees are to my chest as I am trying to calm down. I turn around and get a picture from under my pillow. It's of me and Severus. He looks so happy, we look so happy. It was taken in his private room, on his couch, of us kissing. I love this photo. I take my other hand and place a finger on his smiling face. I screwed up everything. More tears start to fall.

The door opens and I put the photo back. It's Ron.

"Hey mate. How are you?" He walks up to my bed and stands at the pole.

"I'm fine." I mumble. I stare at my bed wishing he would just go away. I want to be alone.

"Oh." I look up and watch him as he is looking to the floor. He looks like he wants to say something in a way that won't hurt me. "Professor Snape asked me were you were. He says you have Detention with filtch tonight. He also took twenty points because you skipped. He such a git." He laughed and my head snapped up.

"No he's not." Ron is staring at me like I am mad. "Fine. Please just leave me alone. I don't feel like talking." I look away and here him sigh. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Why did he give me detention with filtch? I need to talk to him. I need to see him. I wave my wand and summon the time. It's almost time for Dinner. I'm not hungry I want to sleep for a little. I lay down and close my eyes.

"Harry wake up. Wake up!" I woke up from Ron shaking me. I turn my head and look at him. "You missed detention mate. Snape wants to see you now. He's waiting outside."

I dart up and jump off the bed. "What? What time is it?" I ask as I'm putting on my shirt.

"It's almost one in the morning. He seems very pissed so be careful." He turned around and went to sit on his bed. "I don't understand why he can't wait till the morning. Me and Mione heard him knocking on the portrait when we were studying. The fat lady is in a riot!"

"Thanks." Was all I said and I ran out of the room. Hermione watched me as I ran out of the common room and out the portrait.

I Look around the empty hallway and see no one. As I was turning around to go back in a felt someone grab and shoulder.

"Potter." Was all he said and he turned me around and grabbed my wrist. We were now on our way to the dungeons.


	4. Confrontation

I couldn't stop staring at him as he was dragging me down to the dungeons, as he was holding my wrist he never once looked back at me or said a word. It felt like hours of silence before we got to the dungeons, I thought we were heading in the direction of the potions class room but we weren't, we were heading somewhere different, that somewhere different was his private room. Our happy place, our _old_ happy place. I took a deep break as he said the password and looked up in shock. It was the same password as before, the one he put in place for me to get in for those late nights I was lonely. Tears start to gather in my eyes but I shake them away.

"In. Now." He said. He let go of my wrist and I looked at him. His face was hidden by the darkness. I walk in his room and I hold my breath. I stand in the middle of the living room as I hear him close the door and ward it with silencing charms. I turn around when he is finished and we stare at each other. I want to break the silence but for some reason I can't.

"Why were you not in class?" He said. We were still staring at each other, we weren't even blinking.

"I... I can't bear to be in class, your class." He flinched at my words just like someone would if they just got slapped. "I'm dropping potions, I ... I think it would be better for both of us, it's too hard to see you every day and knowing were not together." I say in a whisper voice but he still heard.

"No. I will not allow you to drop this class, you need it for your future career as an Auror." He looked to the ground and I just stared. I didn't know what to say after that. So I stand and say nothing. "Why did you do this to me Harry?" His voice was crackly, he sounds like he is crying.

I walk up to him and I'm happy, he's not backing away. I put my hands on his shoulders and say "I fucked up Severus. I love you and never wanted this to happen, that's why I told you. I don't want any secrets between us." I start to cry and he looks up at me. What happens next I never thought would happen again. He leans down slowly and I turn up to look and him and he kisses me. It feels so amazing. I'm crying and so is he. I love him and I want to be with him forever. His lips are so soft and this kiss means the world to me. I don't want this kiss to stop but we had to breathe. I look in his eyes and smile, he smiles back at me and I feel fulfilled once more but not a moment later his face turns to stone, I step back and stare at him. "Severus?" He stares at me.

After a moment he waves his wand and takes the spells down. "Out." He said as he opens the door.

"Severus?" I say once more as I walk towards him. "Please, don't do this!" I start to cry again.

"Please, just go." I look at his face and walk out the door. He slams it shut and I fall to the ground with my head in my hands crying and wondering what just happened. After a moment I get back up and walk out of the now colder dungeons. So many things are on my mind and I don't know what to do, but for now I'm just going to give him space. I love him. I need him. When I finally stop and look where I am I'm outside near the black lake. I don't remember walking here. I sit on the rock, the rock that ruined my life and stare out at the water. It's glowing with the moon light. I give a small smile at the beauty of the night and remember what happened at the rock only a month ago.

** Hey! I know you all want longer chapters and I'm trying! But next chapter will be longer! And stuff will happen ;) Thanks for all the good Reviews! Please still Read and Review and let me know what you think Harry did! **


	5. What Happend That Faitfull Night

I'm sitting on the rock, looking out to the water and thinking about what happened that night.

*Flash Back*

"Severus." I whisper to him as he kisses my bare chest. I moaned as his tongue flicked my erected nipple. Suddenly I felt a tear on my chest. I looked down to see Severus staring at my chest. I kneel down and lift his chin so he would look at me, at my eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask. I know something is wrong, very wrong. I've never seen him cry before. "Tell me."

He looks at me and sais. "Dumbledore knows." His eyes are lost, so many emotions are going threw them, sadness, regret, disappointment but not in me. "Harry he used Legilimens on me, I didn't have my guard up. I'm… I'm so sorry." He bent his head back down and said. "We have to separate Harry, we have too…"

My eyes snap at him and I scream. "What! No! Who cares what he said Severus, we love each other! I'm not going to do what he sais; I'm going to do what my heart tells me to do." I look in his eyes and say. "And my heart tells me to be with you Severus." Tears fall down my eyes and he stands.

"Harry it's for the best, I'm old enough to be your father." Anger fills me and I snap.

"Excuse me?" I say and he just stares at me. I'm breathing deeply and slowly. He said the wrong thing. "To old for me are you?" I stand up and take a step towards him, he doesn't move. He stands and holds his ground, he is so stubborn and mad, I can tell. "Do you think I bloody fucking care how old you are?"

His eyes flash red and he growls in a low bone chilling voice that could kill. "Don't you dare talk to me in that tone!" He takes a step towards me, were so close to each other that I can feel his hot breath on my face.

"Well then I guess you are my father if you talk to me like that!" My cheek suddenly hurts, my whole face suddenly hurts. I open my eyes and I'm on the floor. I look up and see regret all over his face, he's holding his hand it looks sore. He punched me. He fucking punched me! I get up and grab my shirt and quickly put it on as I'm heading towards the door. Right before I leave his private room I look around and give him on last glance. "Fuck you." I spat at him and ran out of the cold dungeons.

*End on Flash Back*

I start to cry, that memory hurts me more than anything in the world. I forgave him for what he did that night I told him what happened but it still hurts. I grab my legs and sit my head on my knees and shiver from the cold.

*Flash Back*

I ran, I ran as far and as fast as I could. When I finally stopped I was at the black lake. There was a rock I've never seen before; I walk towards it and clime it. I find a spot to sit and I cry. I couldn't believe he hit me, yes maybe I deserved it but still it hurt me to no end. I close my eyes and cry even more.

"Harry are you ok?" I look up and see Hermione standing beside the rock. She looked tired. "I saw you ran out of the castle from the Astronomy tower. So I came to see what happened." She turned around and jumped on the rock to sit. She put her head on my shoulder and stared at the water.

"Ill be alright Mione, I'm… I'm just stressed that's all." She lifted her head and looked at me funny. At that moment I don't know what took over me, she looks so pretty at this moment. I don't know why but I leaned down and filled the space between us and kissed her lips. She didn't back away, she just kept kissing me.

This is so wrong, I'm gay! She's dating Ron! But I couldn't stop. IT felt so wrong, but so right. I deepened the kiss and she moaned, her hands shot up to my hair and I moaned. She started to unbutton my shirt and I let her. She bent down and started kissing my now bare chest, like Severus did not too long ago. I bend my head back in pleasure when she nips at my one of many sensitive spots.

I pull her up and stare at her clouded eyes. "Ron?" I said and she just kissed me again, I fall back on the rock with her on top of me. She grinds on my erection and I hiss in pleasure, she smiles and unties my pants. She pushes them off along with my boxers and leans down and takes me in her hot amazing mouth. My head shoots back from the feeling and I moan like mad. After what seems like only minutes she stops and stands. I stare at her thinking it over. I start to get up and she leaned over to me and kisses me while pushing me back. She stands again and starts to undress. She smiles at me and climes on me again and kisses me. She takes her hand and grabs my cock and places it at her entrance. I close my eyes as she pushes in. It feels so good. We both moan and she leans down to kiss me again. My brain is going a hundred miles an hour, were having sex! We both moan and hiss like crazy, she leans down to kiss me. I feel my orgasm coming, and I think she does too. She moves faster up and down on me and we both scream as we release. She falls down on me and I kiss her forehead.

She climes off of me and gets dressed. I get up and put my pants back on but leave my shirt undone. She finishes getting dressed and looks at me with a shy smile on her face.

"Hermione, what just happened?" I ask stupidly

"We just had sex Harry." She sais matter-of-factly. She looks to the ground and realizes what I meant by my question. "I don't know what came over me; I'm sorry Harry I..." I cut her off with a kiss; she leans into me, into the kiss but only for a moment before she pulls back. "This, we can't tell anyone. This was a one time thing Harry. It's our secret, if Ron finds out…" She looks to the ground and is probably thinking off a thousand different outcomes. I take a step towards her and grabbed her hand.

"No one will know about this Mione, I promise." I smile at her and she smiles back... She leans in and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you." She turned around and started to walk back to the castle before she realized I wasn't following her. She turns around and yells. "Are you coming?"

I smile in her direction and yell. "No, Ill be up later, I just want to sit here for a little." She gave me a nod and a smile and turned and left towards the warm castle. I grabbed my shirt and tied it back up, it was cold out now, I climbed back on the rock and stared at the water once more. My mind is so confused; I don't know what's going on anymore. What happens now? I love Severus, I always will, but what Hermione and I did was… was different. It was a one time thing like she said. What's going to happen next? What will I do?

*End of Flash Back*

The tears fall yet again at that memory, I really did screw up. I'm trying to fix things but there just…

I look at the lake once more and sigh. It was time to go inside the castle. It's so cold and my lips are blue. I get up and head back inside. I screwed up my life and now… I'm determined to fix it.

A/N: Hey! I'm sorry it took me so long to post this, I've had it written on paper for a while but I've been busy with school and work and other things! I hope you like this chapter! I worked so hard to make it longer! Please Read and Review! Next chapter coming up soon!


	6. Hermione's Revelation

It's been three months now and my plans haven't worked. He keeps avoiding me like the black plague. I try to find an excuse to stay after class and talk to him but he just leaves. I've even slept under my invisibility cloak outside his door for a night to no avail. Its almost march now and I'm at the point where nothing will change, no matter how hard I try.

The bell rings and wakes me out of my thoughts, its now time for Care of Magical Creatures with Ron and Hermione. Finally, this is the only day of the week where they all have separate classes but one. First class of the day was Advanced Defense Against The Dark Arts then Astronomy (something I secretly love, no one knows how much I love Astronomy.) I just finished Muggle Studies, which was exceptionally boring today and now its time for Care of Magical Creatures.

I grab my bag and rush out the door, not noticing the people that I was hitting. I run fast, not caring about anything but seeing Hagrid, Hermione and Ron. I hear someone call my name and I look to see where it came from when I collide into someone and fall on the floor on top of him, him. His smell. I look up to see myself on top of Severus. He scowls at me and I blush.

"Sorry Sir." I say as I get up and gather my things.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for running in the halls Potter." He looks down at me and something changed, a glimmer in his eyes that I haven't seen in a long time. I mumble sorry once more and turn to head to class.

As I was about to entre the classroom I noticed Hermione standing outside alone.

"Hey Mione." I smile to her, she doesn't smile back.

"Harry" She whispers. "I need to talk to you at lunch, meet me in the abandoned classroom at lunch." She turned to entre the class, I followed.

Class was a blast, leaned about a fairy that likes to steal children's teeth fro under their pillow.

"Huh, so that's where the tooth fairy comes from." Hermione laughed.

"Never knew." He joined her.

"I'm starving."

"You're always hungry Ron." Hermione said and she kissed Ron's cheek. I looked at them with admiration; I wished I could do that to Severus. "Ill meet you there in twenty minutes or so, I found a fascinating book on the project Harry and I are assigned to do." I stare at her.

"Bloody hell, cant even take lunch off can you?" Ron kissed her lips and walked off.

Hermione started to walk in the direction of the library and I followed. She suddenly made a sharp turn and I realized that she wanted to talk to me.

We finally arrive at the classroom and she closes the door and wards it. She turns around and tears start to flow from her eyes.

"Mione what's wrong?" I ask.

"I'm pregnant."

**Hey! Such a long time! I forgot about this story until tonight and I came up with this chapter! What do you think? Sorry its been so long, Ill try to update more often. Anyways R&R and be kind **


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